i am not good at separating reality from fiction, i think. i mean, i know which is which, but i still tend to bond myself to fictional characters, particularly in books, as much as to real people in the real world. so i was sad this week when i finished reading "river town" by peter hessler (i read "oracle bones" also by hessler a couple months ago). i had a similar feeling when i finished reading "infinite jest" a few years ago, and pretty much any kurt vonnegut book. (to make matters even more confusing, "river town" is a nonfiction narrative, so the narrator is in fact peter hessler, a real person, but nonetheless my relationship with him is unidirectional and fictional.) here is what i think it is. first, the writers of these books are tremendously talented and interesting and wonderful at expressing themselves. second, their craft is to express their most profound emotions honestly and effectively. this contrasts with my relationships with real people in the real world, where the goal is quite the opposite -- to make small talk so that i can go on existing without thinking about my most profound emotions honestly and effectively. in this sense, i feel like i know the authors/characters better than i know my acquaintances in the real world. of course, like small talk, these narratives are just the fraction of the authors' thoughts and self that they feel like putting down on paper for public consumption. they don't even have to be honest, tho i think the books i feel this way about are those that smack of honesty. they also do not have to write in the stream of consciousness, linear motion with which we in the real world must pass through time. the narratives can have complete, well-organized thoughts and emotions. reading these narratives linearly is highly satisfying, then, because everything is well-thought out and complete and purposeful. being a forgetful person, it is nice that i can reread these books, go back in time and re-intake the moments captured in these books. so, in that sense, the characters/authors are never completely gone, just memories, like many friendships i've had growing up that have been somewhat deeper than small talk. still, there is something permanent and sad about finishing a book. to quote some guy on newsweek paraphrasing holden caulfield:
The test of a great book ... [is] whether, once you finished it, you wished the author were a great friend you could call up at home.
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