Stupid new years

New years is the worst holiday. I don't get it at all, I'm sure because I'm a lamo lamerson but whatever. There is no candy and no presents involved, but I am still sposed to be excited for it. Like memorial day is way cooler cuz it is still a holiday and I don't have to work, but I also don't have to acknowledge its purpose or feel like a lamo lamerson for sitting at home doing nothing.


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i've got a bike

i've got a bike
you can ride it if you like
it's got a basket
and a bell and
things that make it look good
i'd give it to you if i could
but i borrowed it.

those are all lies, by the way, but still the words are going through my head right now. my head is weird, by the way. i don't mean weird-looking, tho, yes, i know, it is probably that as well. first, there is a song going through it completely autonomously, whatever autonomously means with regard to one's brain. second, how we remember stuff is weird (this is not an original thought i know, and i think it every now and then anyways (so there!)). like the other day i was trying to remember what sherlock holmes' brother's name was. this is a name that consistently escapes my memory. it must be stored in some particularly mushy part of my brain. along with names for everything and everyone else. anyways, at some point, kyle and i couldn't remember what sherlock holmes' brother's name was, and one of the names we suggested was burlap, cuz that would be a good name for sherlock holmes' brother. so, that is always the first thing that pops into my brain. but i gave up actively trying to think of his name (whatever that means) and started thinking about something else or conversing or something, and then the name just came to me anyways. mycroft. what is going on that that happens? like there is the dominant stream of thought in your brain, but at the same time, there are also these like submitted jobs taking spare cycles in the background or something. and what is going on that it takes some time to pop to the top of one's head. brains are weird. and cool. so anyways the spare cycles in my brain are now being used to cycle through pink floyd's masterpiece "bike".

here is something i liked on the internet today: Wet Pixel's Symbiosis and Parasitism Photo Contest. here is the winning entry:

and the second place entry:

Kyle just mistook my machine gun impression for a bugs bunny impression. how insulting.

Stuff you've learned from Youtube

Have you looked up the correct method of brushing your teeth on Youtube?

I have not, but Kyle has.


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A toothpaste revelation for you, I'm sure

Many, many years ago, those ingenious folks at the toothpaste companies took a short respite from coming up with synonyms for "tooth-cleaning" and revolutionized the toothpaste tube. I'm speaking, of course, about the invention of the cap that can be either screwed or flipped off and on. I always thought I would be a screw-er, as the flip-tops just seemed so messy and inelegant when semi-crustulated toothpaste would get into various crevaces. I resisted becoming a flip-topper at first, out of pride, but now I must come clean and reveal to you that I am indeed a flip-topper, and my toothpaste tube has crusty blue-green goo on the inside and outside and clasping mechanism of the cap. I would like to blame this weakness of mine on the tactile response of my fingers to the little toothpaste-tube-cap nib, whose "flip me" plea is irresistable. Also, I would like you to know, as some means of redeeming my soul, that I do squeeze the tube from the end to the tip.


PS I don't know why the invention of the dual flip-top-screw cap is not on this fairly complete history of the universe. [from bibliodyssey].


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life-size santa dolls are creepy

There are life-size Santa dolls in front of many establishments around my home. They are creeping me out with their staring, lifeless eyes. That is all I have to say about that.

some pure good on the internet

Feeling blue? I am, most of the time! Don't let all the sarcastic exclamation points fool you! Life is just one chore after another! :) :P :)! Anyways, here are a few things that I have seen on the internet recently that are absolute good and will make you feel better. They have absolutely no irony or cynicism to them. They are just fun for goodness sake!

1. Cute kids playing ukuleles are sooooo cute! This kid is unreasonably cute. If you do not smile at this video when he makes his little kid rock-and-roll faces, then I am guessing you are actually dead inside. There are more videos of uke3453, but this is the only one to which I know the words he is singing.



2. Physical comedy is sooooo comical! This is an excellent series of man-gets-hit-in-groin-with-football bloopers. You might think that this is a little cynical, us laughing at the fisherman-guy. But that is not the case! These are outtakes they publish along with their DVDs! We are laughing with them, not just at them!



3. Octopuses are sooooo eight-arm-having! Here are some octopuses, hiding in coconuts! Every now and then, I think, this is my favoritest animal of all time about some animal. Today, it is octopuses! Here is the New Scientist article: Octopuses Use Coconut Shells as Portable Shelters.

some beatles lyrics for you

Here are some great post-Beatles lyrics I learned yesterday.

Mind Games (Lennon):

We all been playing mind games forever,
Some kinda druid dudes lifting the veil.
Doing the mind gorilla

I respelled gorilla correctly for you.

there is nothing new under the sun especially on the internet

I was submitting random slogans to Threadless (I wanted "Free toy inside!"). Everything I tried was already submitted. Including this one.

+/- music on the internet

So it seems that free streaming music on the internet is in dire straits. Today, imeem went defunct [Myspace Music Acquires Shuttered Imeem Music Service]. All imeem pages now direct the listener to myspace, with the helpful message that (hurray!) imeem has been eaten by myspace and they're like planning to do something with your imeem profile and playlists and they'll let you know what that something is sometime later. In the meantime, feel free to use myspace for something. Oh, and welcome to myspace! It totally does not suck, despite what you may have heard. We're sure you'll explore it with an open mind and not with annoyance at having all your stuff deleted all of a sudden. This comes on news that Lala will be purchased by the increasingly evil seeming Apple [Apple in 'Advanced' Acquisition Talks with Lala]. We'll have to see how that goes. I'm worried for you, free streaming music on the internet. I hope you pull through!

In yay-more-music-on-the-internet news, Pitchfork has linked to some newly discovered live performances of Neutral Milk Hotel. They are simply awesome:

lizardmania!

It is the end of 2009! Not just the end of a year, but the end of the aughts (that's what they'll call them!)! That means it's time for lists! Lists separating the mildly entertaining from the oozing, crusticulating sludge of everything else, lists allowing me to needlessly ranking stuff, lists showing how cool I am by what I like! Lists for the whole decade are way too hard for me, cuz I can't remember that far back. Also, I don't really know when this year started relative to stuff that happened, and I'm rather behind on the pop culture ... so, yeah, these are lists of stuff Yours Truly thought about today! That is highly relevant!

Lisztomania! Think less but see it grow!

Best Albums Newish to Kristin in '09.
So this thing called the internet and its free streaming music has really changed the availability of full albums to a frugal bugle like myself. Many of the albums that have gotten heavy play from me on the imeem are not from this year. Here are my favorite newish to me albums of the year:

1. In the Aeroplane Over the Sea by Neutral Milk Hotel
2. Transformer by Lou Reed, The Velvet Underground & Nico by The Velvet Underground & Nico
   
3. Lots of David Bowie albums.
   
4. London Calling by The Clash
   
5. Yankee Hotel Foxtrot by Wilco
6. Unknown Pleasures, Closer by Joy Division
   
7. I Can Hear the Heart Beating As One, And Then Nothing Turned Itself Inside Out, and I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass by Yo La Tengo
   
8. Bows + Arrows and You and Me by The Walkmen
9. Funeral and Neon Bible by The Arcade Fire
10. New Moon by Elliott Smith (unfortunately named for this year)
    
11. Fleet Foxes by Fleet Foxes
12. Dark Night of the Soul by Danger Mouse, Sparklehorse, David Lynch, ...
    
13. Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix by Phoenix
    
14. The Crane Wife and The Hazards of Love by The Decemberists
15. Lots of albums by Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds
16. Marry Me and Actor by St. Vincent
    
17. The Moon & Antarctica by Modest Mouse
18. Another Green World by Brian Eno
    
19. Ocean Songs by Dirty Three
    
20. Narrow Stairs by Death Cab
21. Merriweather Post Pavillion by Animal Collective
    
22. Travels with Myself and Another by Future of the Left
23. Far by Regina Spektor

Anyways, these are ones I can think of by going through my saved imeem playlists. I'm a bit disturbed by the fact that (a) most of these albums are not from '09 and (b) I'm 30 years old now. In conclusion, though, imeem is awesome. I don't know why you don't use it, and how it makes money (or does not lose too much money), but you should use it while it still exists. Also, Pandora sucks. Also, honorable mentions go to all the Queen live performances on Youtube. There's a lotta good old music stuffs on Youtube.

Best Movies of '09.
Again, being a cheapo/lazo, we rent movies instead of seeing them in the theater. Even tho there is a $2 theater 2 blocks from my house. Here are some recent movies I liked that I saw this year.

1. Synecdoche, NY
2. The Unbearable Lightness of Being
   
3. Tokyo!
4. Step Brothers
   
5. I Love You, Man & Role Models
6. Frost/Nixon
   
7. New Star Trek

It was apparently not a good year for movies to me.

Best TV Shows Newish to Kristin of '09.
Same as above. Internet and Netflix are awesome.

1. Arrested Development
2. The Daily Show
3. The Colbert Report
   
4. 30 Rock
5. Spaced
6. Twin Peaks (Seasons 1-2.25)
7. Extras
8. Pole to Pole
   
9. This American Life the TV show
   

Best Books Kristin Read on '09.

1. 1984 (re-re-read)
   
2. Oracle Bones
3. River Town
4. Wind-Up Bird Chronicles
5. When You Are Engulfed in Flames

Best Emoticons.
This year, the part of me that thinks smiley faces and exclamation points are childish and gag-inducing lost to the part of me that feels that they are totally totally necessary. Because no one can tell if you're being sarcastic in writing without them! I am not the only one to say this. The irony mark was first proposed in the 19th century by some French guy.

1. :)
2. :(
   
3. :P

I do not approve of any other emoticons, particularly variants of the above with o's for noses. Noses are completely unnecessary in emoticons.



Best Wilson Bros.
I was reminded of the Wilson bros by the letter Mr. Steely Dan sent to Regular Wilson re Nose Wilson's appearance in the movie You, Me, and Dupree, or whatever it was called. The letter made it to the Letters of Note blog yesterday.

1. Owen "Nose" Wilson
2. Luke "Regular" "Chunky" Wilson
3. "Frankenstein" Wilson
4. Wes Anderson
   

I do not know Frankenstein Wilson's real name. He is the one who is not Owen or Luke. Or Wes, I guess.



Best Web Portals Right (to Me this Minute)
"Web portal" was used to describe MSN on a Trivial Pursuit question. I'm assuming that means it's the correct all-encompassing term. These are hard to sort.

1. The New York Times
2. Youtube
   
3. The New Yorker
4. The Atlantic
   
5. imeem
   
6. Videogum
7. The Awl
8. A Journey Around My Skull
9. Bibliodyssey
   
10. The Daily Dish
11. The AV Club
12. The Daily What
13. Vimeo
    
14. The Cynical-C Blog
    
15. The Fail Blog
16. Everything Is Terrible
17. The Loom
18. The Cartoon Lounge
    
19. Buzzfeed
20. Flavorwire
    
21. J-Walk
22. Gawker
23. Ta-Nehisi Coates
    
24. Lifehacker
25. Pink Tentacle
26. Dangerous Minds
27. hunch.net
    

Favorite Podcasts/Radio Shows.

1. This American Life
2. Radiolab
3. Morning Becomes Eclectic
   

Best stuff to put in coffee

1. Sugar
2. Heavy whipping cream
3. Half & half
4. Whipped cream
5. Chocolate
6. Little marshmallows

Best foods to put on other foods

1. Sugar
2. Butter
3. Salt
4. Bacon
5. Chocolate chips
6. Frosting
7. Cheese
8. Eggs
9. French fries
10. Little marshmallows
11. Mustard
    

In case you are curious, nuts are not good on anything.

[Bacon Ice Cream, from The Eaten Path]

Best Queen Songs

1. Under Pressure
2. Bohemian Rhapsody
3. March of the Black Queen
4. Keep Yourself Alive
5. Don't Stop Me Now
6. The Fairy Feller's Master Stroke
7. Radio Gaga (live version only)
8. Somebody to Love
9. Death on Two Legs
10. We Are the Champions
11. Bicycle Race
12. Millionaire Waltz
13. Seaside Rendez-vous
14. '39
15. Lazing on a Sunday Afternoon
16. The Show Must Go On
17. All Dead, All Dead (cuz it's about a dead pet cat)
18. Tie Your Mother Down
19. Ogre Battle

Best Beatles
Whatever best means.

1. George
2. Ringo
3. John
4. Paul

Most Talented Beatles

1. John
2. Paul
3. George Harrison
4. George Martin
5. Ringo

Pete Best is the worst. Get it? Cuz his name is Best. Also, he really is the worst. I'm guessing. I know nothing about him.



Ex-Beatle with the best post-Beatles solo career

1. John
2. George

John and George are kind of in a tie. It is hard to compare, as one had a much longer post-Beatles career than the other. The others do not make the list. What happened to you, Paul?

[The Beatles :: After the Break-Up -- The Singles from Aquarium Drunkard]

Best Beatles Songs.
I am probably missing many.

1. Abbey Road Medley: You Never Give Me Your Money + Sun King + Mean Mr. Mustart + Polythene Pam + She Came in Through the Bathroom Window + Golden Slumbers + Carry That Weight + The End
2. Happiness is a Warm Gun
3. A Day in the Life
4. Strawberry Fields Forever
5. Helter Skelter
6. Sexy Sadie
7. I Will
8. Norwegian Wood
9. And Your Bird Can Sing
10. In My Life
11. Come Together
12. Something
13. Everybody's Got Something to Hide Cept for Me and My Monkey
14. I Want You (She's So Heavy)
15. Oh Darling
16. Yellow Submarine
17. Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds
18. Got to Get You into My Life
19. While My Guitar Gently Weeps
20. All You Need Is Love
21. I Am the Walrus

Best Ice Cream Flavors.
Some of these are distant memories, as we still avoid buying the slave chocolate.

1. Chocolate Fudge Brownie
2. Chocolate with M&Ms
3. Mint Chip
4. Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough
5. Coffee + chocolate chips
6. Chocolate peanut butter cup
7. Cookies and Cream
8. Cotton candy
9. Cake batter
10. Pralines and cream
11. Strawberry

Best Insults

1. So's your face.
2. You, sir, have the boorish manners of a Yalie.
   
3. Shut up you face.
4. Where's your messiah now?
5. You are a bad son-montel.
   
6. Lady Nancy Astor: Winston, if I were your wife, I’d poison your tea.
   Winston Churchill: Nancy, if I were your husband, I’d drink it.
7. Bessie Braddock: Sir, you are drunk.
   Winston Churchill: And you, madam, are ugly. But in the morning, I shall be sober.
8. You need to study your grammar, son.
9. If you gave Falwell an enema, you could have buried him in a matchbox.

Best Colas

1. Royal Crown "RC" Cola
2. Pepsi
3. Coca-Cola

Best I'm-Awesome Interjections in Web Writing. Yeah.

1. Anyways.
2. So.
3. Yeah.
4. Okay.
5. Yup.
6. Sigh.
7. Meta.
   
8. Whatever.

Stupidest Things That Happened This Year

1. Sarah Palin
2. Glenn Beck
3. Orly Taitz & the Birther Movement
4. Rob Blagojevich
   
5. Everything on the FAIL Blog
6. Autotuning.
   
7. The source of this video.
   
8. Kid not kicking a ball, Baby not hula hooping
9. Sleepwalking dog
10. FIFA decision to have no replay/extra refs in World Cup
11. Nicolas Cage